Blind Date

There is no doubt that this is one of the worst movies ever made. The fact that I paid nothing to see it does not soften the blow (I borrowed the tape). After watching it I felt like I had been robbed of two hours of my life, and that's something you can't have back. The picture was directed by Blake Edwards, which confirms my long-held belief that he is an extremely meager talent who has been vastly overrated by everyone, and he has a lousy sense of humor to boot. Whoever wrote this picture should be gently advised to get a job in the manual labor area, preferably in another country. He should not be allowed access to writing implements. The script is so poor, so lame, so weak, and so unfunny in its strident, irritating way that it actually causes me physical pain to think about it. I won't bother to catalogue the bad jokes, stupid situations, and witless plot that propel this feeble-minded effort; just take my word for it, and if you don't believe me and feel compelled to see for yourself, take a large dose of Thorazine before you go, and hopefully you will sleep through most of it. Bruce "I Am Not David Addison" Willis flounders manfully through the insipid material but gets nowhere. Sadly, everything he seems to do outside his show seems only to prove that in fact he IS David Addison. This so-called movie (probably the entire cast and crew should be brought up on charges of impersonating movie makers) has only one accomplishment, and while it is certainly nothing to brag about, it is nonetheless astonishing. This picture--incredibly--manages to leach all of the amazing sensuality out of the phenomenal Kim Basinger. I wouldn't have thought it possible; Basinger is one of those rare actresses, who, in addition to being strikingly beautiful, bring to the screen a kind of smoldering presence which threatens to melt the celluloid. (I suspect I am not alone in this assessment.) But here she is just a cardboard cutout. Whereas usually her sensuality all but oozes off the screen, here she is -- nothing more than a pretty picture. A true triumph. Yipes. Well, what can I say? I expected this picture to be horrible, but the truth is it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was much, much worse. Absolutely every element is an utter failure. Send it to a toxic waste dump. Where it truly belongs.