Body of Evidence

Written by: Brad Mirman Starring: Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer, Joe Mategna

Gee, another movie about a witless dullard led lustfully astray by a devious sexpot. This is just an awful movie, so lacking in conviction that it insults the audience. It presumes that viewers are such simpletons that we will be titillated enough to overlook the witless story, idiotic dialogue, and dreadful acting. The pathetic thing is that the sex isn't even sexy or erotic; it's a mindless tease with no more contextual interest than shots of moving automobiles. Madonna sheds her clothes? Big deal. The sad truth is she looks terrible here, blowsy and worn out. Anne Archer is sexier by a mile, and Sharon Stone emitted more heat in one shot of “Basic Instinct” (a pretty crappy movie in its own right) than Madonna does in this whole picture. On top of all that, she's a terrible actress, with no presence and zero ability to deliver dialogue (not that the dialogue was any good). Dafoe, normally a riveting performer, looks and acts like a corpse here. Maybe, realizing how deep a hole he was in, he just gave up. Mategna, despite Mamet's fondness for him, and his interesting face and soft, spooky voice, is really showing his limitations.

As for the story, I don't know who Brad Mirman is, but he can't be a lawyer. I'm not, and even I was completely unconvinced by this retarded concept. There are no worthwhile twists, no revelations, no particular mystery about what happened, just whether it Constitutes a Crime. Utterly predictable, and rife with clichés. Prime example: the judge (judges seem to be becoming a real backwater for Black actors: safe, prominent but not starring, politically correct), who manages to squeeze out every bad courtroom cliché during the suspenseless trial. If you've heard it a thousand times, you'll hear it here. I cannot imagine who thought this would make a good picture, but it fails on every count. As a counterexample, “The Crying Game” packs more suspense, shock value, and interest into a single scene than ten of those from “Body of Evidence” lined up end to end. The picture not only doesn't have any conviction, it doesn't even have the strength of its own lack of conviction. (1/19/93)