The Replacements

Written by: Vince McKewin Starring: Gene Hackman, Keanu Reeves, Jon Favreau, Jack Warden, Brooke Langton, Orlando Jones, Rhys Ifans

“The Replacements” is a football comedy that sets the bar low and then clears it, more or less. Never making an effort to be anything more than a chuckle-fest, the picture stars a moribund Keanu Reeves, who is rapidly cementing his reputation as a truly bad actor. He frowns and mumbles his way through this picture, apparently mistaking woodenness for gravitas. Howard Deutch, who, as best as I can tell, has never directed a picture of distinction, at least knows enough to keep things bright and colorful. (In this respect, the picture runs circles around Oliver Stone’s awful “Any Given Sunday.” At least “The Replacements” looks like it was filmed in a real stadium, and I suppose that’s worth something.) With four games left in the season, the NFL players (who are portrayed without exception as arrogant louts) have gone on strike. O’Neil (Warden), the owner of the fictional Washington Sentinels, decides to bring in replacement players to complete the season and keep his team’s playoff hopes alive.

He hires legendarily headstrong coach McGinty (Hackman, doing a reprise of his role in the terrific “Hoosiers,” but to much lesser effect), who in turn decides (in an irrational move that flouts everything we know about the big business of professional sports) to bring in a bunch of unknowns who will be “fun to watch.” These include Shane Falco (Reeves), a has-been quarterback with a strong arm, Bateman (Favreau), a hyperaggressive cop with an impulse control problem, Franklin (Jones), a speedy receiver who can’t catch, and Gruff (Ifans) a Welsh soccer player without much regard for the basics of physical fitness. As long as the film spends its time introducing these oh-so-wacky characters, there is at least a modicum of fun to be had.

But when it returns to the conventional “we have to win this one to make the playoffs” tripe, it turns into every other sports comedy about underdogs that you have ever seen (think “Major League,” which at least had the benefit of being first). The picture is more than happy to take the easy way out with potshots at spoiled professional athletes, and to fall back--when all else fails--upon sexy cheerleaders in short skirts. And please explain to me again why the cheerleaders are on strike (walking out in sympathy with the players?), aside from the fact that it forces the team to hire strippers to replace them, and we all know how funny that can be. There is a tepid romance between Falco and the lovely Annabelle (Langton), the head cheerleader, who announces the first time she meets Falco that she “doesn't date football players,” which renders it inevitable that she will date Falco at once. And, as always, the “underdogs” in the picture all turn out to be phenomenally gifted, allowing them to win the big game, while leaving unanswered for viewers the question of why such talented players aren’t already playing in the big leagues.

The picture does manage to get some comedy mileage out of its collection of amusing character actors, most of whom will probably never be heard from again. But it sure isn’t likely to do much for the careers of Reeves (who seems intent upon proving beyond question what everyone already suspects--that he can’t act at all), Langton, or Hackman (whose presence in the picture is the real mystery--did he need the money?). Eventually, a sports comedy with some fresh ideas will come along and put a new spin on the genre. But if you just can’t wait until then, “The Replacements,” predictable though it is, will have to do. (8/19/2000)