The Three Musketeers

Three Musketeers Lite, or Three Musketeers a la Brat Pack, or Young Swords. Go ahead, make up your own! It's fun and easy! It's hard to imagine a sight more ludicrous than Sheen, O'Donnell, and Sutherland attempting to play French Musketeers (well, maybe Keanu Reeves as an Englishman in Dracula). They are, for the most part, pathetic, which I guess simply points up the fact that they’re not very good actors. Too bad, because I always loved the story. Of our heroes only Platt gets away with any dignity, and he has all the best lines (except for Curry as Richelieu), and he could give them ALL acting lessons. He is the only one with the guts to really sell out on his role (though DeMornay is not bad). The rest want to have their cake and make fun of it too, by simultaneously exploiting and sneering at the conventions of the genre. A swashbuckler seen through an MTV perspective is a sorry sight indeed. There are a few good action scenes, but mostly it's Amateur Hour. This film not only doesn't break new ground, it steps gingerly around it whenever any crops up. The scenes are short and choppy, with no rhythm or flow, usually ending in blackout. As a result the narrative suffers and interest lags. On top of anything else this is the most sanitized thing I've ever seen. For a sword adventure very few people get stabbed, and when they do they hardly even bleed. The final battle in the palace had dead guys lying all over a polished marble floor (perfect for blood running). Richard Lester would have had the fighters slipping and slopping in the stuff just for effect. Here? No blood to be seen at all, and that's a damn shame. (12/12/93)